There are times that I sit and wonder about what makes us who we are. Is it nature or nurture? Why did three kids grow up in the same house and turn out completely different? I'd like to think that some of it is inherent in our genetics, and some of it is just really, really good parenting.
There are several things that I can look back on and say, "This made me a better person." One of them was in high school:
Sophomore year of high school was the only year I would have considered myself even remotely popular. I had lots of friends. One in particular was pretty awesome and we did everything together. Her mom, though, wasn't the nicest of people and would come down on my friend (let's call her Lily). We were going to go to the beach one day and Lily's mom said, "You aren't going anywhere until you lose 2 pounds." That kind of maniacal abuse wasn't even the worst of it. So, me being who I am, said, "You look beautiful. Let's go."
That was when everything started to change. Her mom went to prayer group and told the parents there what a bad influence I was on the kids and to keep theirs away from me. Being at a small Catholic high school, this wasn't exactly great for my social life. Slowly, friends stopped hanging out with me. My boyfriend broke up with me. And Lily wasn't allowed to be my friend anymore. The rumors circulated about me being a whore, a lesbian, a drug addict, and everything that goes along with it. I have never been a whore or a drug addict, but I am gay. I didn't know it in high school, but there's nothing like losing your friends and being bullied in high school to create a self-loathing homosexual.
Bottles were thrown at me, people talked about me right in front of my face like I wasn't even there, and I didn't sleep or eat for what felt like months. I hated everyone. Senior year, after having so much negativity inside me and after thinking these horrible things about the people who were mean to me, I decided to sit down and write every single classmate a letter that emphasized their good qualities. I told some people what great artists they were. Some, I pointed out their beauty or intelligence. And Lily, I told her she was beautiful and to never let anyone ever tell her any differently. We hadn't spoken in almost two years.
I never signed my name to the letters. I closed each one with a quote: "For we are all angels with one wing; to fly, we need only embrace one another."
The letters were passed out at our Senior Retreat. Some people tossed them on the ground, but some people kept them. It didn't matter. I did what I needed to do to turn my life from a negative wasteland into something positive.
When I interviewed for Senator Bob Graham's internship in Tallahassee during college, the interview was one statement: "Tell us a little bit about yourself." So I told that story. I was hired on the spot. It was the one thing in my life that I look back on and I say, "This is who I am." I'm the girl who thought of the guy who threw a glass bottle at me and said, "You are an amazing person." Because no matter what, there's always good in everyone. If Anne Frank could say it, surely I can.
So that's me. And it'll always be me.
